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+ Who am I? + + a wEiRd gAL + My Fellow Star-catchers + + Blog Link + Hint Me + + Archives +
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
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Tuesday, August 31, 2004 talk abt being short-tempered..
or talk abt instant dislike for some stranger... this bastard beside me (hereby referred to as the Big B) is a complete stranger. however, he has managed to raise some unknown anger bubbling within me... told u i am bitchy... but tt's besides the point.. context: library situation: a Big B who thinks he is oh-so-cool. characters: Big B, his accomplice besides him on his left, n poor me on his rite (im tempted to bite his rite hand. VERY) Big B thinks he is suave, handsome n is spilling with confidence. he talks like he is in the market (but rem the context, my dear audience) n every sentence is ended off with a hokkien vulgarity. mayb he only noes one.. the JB one... he feels the urge to announce his every action. he thinks his fren on his left is deaf... apparently, he is very proud o the fact that he got D D E E last semester.. becos he bellowed that out.. looking (of cos) very confident still.. he tells (yes, he tells) his fon to "ssshhh" every time it rings.. but his innocent mind does not allow his thinking to be stretched so far as to realise tt there is somethin called a SILENT mode.. he laughs at everythin that appears on his computer screen n when he laughs, he sees the need to vibrate his body.. mayb he loves mambo.. he likes to believe that everyone is his fren, cos he keeps attempting to peep at my computer screen... like we r frens.... ISSUE: shall i a.) tell him to shut up? b.) make frens w him n counsel him? n at the same time, tell him that he needs a hair cut?! badly? c.) do my work in silent!?!? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yes.. i need to do my work.. oops... hahahahahhahahahahaha............................ self-amused... i need to do my work.. so wat am i doin here bitching abt Big B!?!? focus baohuan.. focus!! Big B... he can continue to bellow.. i will shut him out... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/31/2004 03:54:00 PM.
contingency plans....
why din i think of that? wat's gonna happen if things dun work out the way we want them to?? i'm scared now.. frankly, seriously, terribly scared.. i hate feeling this way, esp when things r not really within my control.. i hate FYP... wat else can i say? i hope i can get the support i need... from my FYP mates... from everyone out there... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/31/2004 11:02:00 AM.
Saturday, August 28, 2004 phew... finally some time to myself.. alone...
tried typing an entry on fri... was forced to delete it halfway cos din want tm to see.. haha... there's no way i am gonna let tm noe tt i am keepin a blog.. where else do i find an avenue to complain abt him shld the need arise?! haha... still feelin kinda weird.. but getting used to it i guess.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ went for yuehan's farewell dinner on thurs... had a good time, althou it was tinted by STUPID kar wee... sorry.... he was really a big fat koc... althou i really shldnt niam abt it anymore, but still... i think i will dislike him for a while more.. he called me a "retard" for no reason or rhyme n thot he was oh-so-funny.. i could haf scratched him... oops.. i sound so violent.. n angry.. haha... now i feel bad cos it's supposed to be a "nice" farewell dinner, not one w me hurling sacarstic remarks at STUPID kar wee.. sorry biao ge... sigh.. i think i am getting quite mean.. i keep feeling like i am very short-tempered recently.. even queueing to buy somethin can put a snarl on my face... according to shuhong.. haha.. one day, if such a day shld come, tt i become a real mean, bad-tempered, quarrelsome, irritating, rude n goodness-noe-wat-i-can-become person, pls pls pls.. my dear frens.. pls slap me or somethin... dun let me hate myself................................................................................. althou i haf been feeling quite good abt myself these few days.. (besides the misery of realising tt i am a short-tempered poc).......... biao ge said tt i am very huo4 da2.... althou no one can tell me the exact meaning (but i noe it's somethin POSITIVE), it has put me in a good mood.. haha... hope this feeling lasts longer.. before i go back to hating myself.. all over again.. weird huh... now i dun exactly hate myself in a way tt i will hurt myself using a penknife or anythin this extreme.... it's juz.. how do u put it!??! i think all o us hate ourselves once in a while.. cos we r alwiz short o being who we wanna be... i am not depressed or anythin.... juz... reflecting.. haha... busy times r coming... projects.. assignments.. fyp (one thing tt's bothering me BIG TIME)... faint.................................... be positive baohuan!! ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/28/2004 11:35:00 PM.
Friday, August 27, 2004 darn.. i had great plans for a nice entry after a long long time but FYP is ruining everythin!!!!
but i insist on writing... somethin.. haha.. so here goes.. but i promise to write wat i wanna write soon.. soon... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/27/2004 01:05:00 PM.
Thursday, August 26, 2004 i hardly haf time to myself anymore... u noe... to juz stare into space.. to daydream... to.. rest..
i'm not implying tt this thing is taking up too much of my time.. in fact, i dun spend lots o time on this too.. so i feel bad in a way... but then again.. it's only been THREE days.. wat am i saying?!?! i'm too activity-ful.. haha.... I NEED TO SLEEP......... booo.................. ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/26/2004 03:07:00 AM.
Sunday, August 22, 2004 i am so gonna be a nerd.. i dun care.. it sucks to be seeing un-touched textbooks lying ard..
~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/22/2004 10:53:00 PM.
Saturday, August 21, 2004 i feel like a luo han fish.....
with my enthusiasm robbed from me.. where i can only float around becos that's the only thing to do.. n bump my head against the glass in feeble attempts to break free.. where's enthusiastic baohuan?? i can only be chirpy... boo......... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/21/2004 09:25:00 PM.
Thursday, August 19, 2004 the problem with multi-tasking is tt u never ever accomplish the task tt u set out to do, before u decided/assumed u had the brains n capabilities to multi-task..
s i g h . . . . anw.. my rashes r not goin away... n yes, i hereby declare tt they r insect-bite-look-alikes but they r NOT acne, no thanx to the silly doc who refused to listen to my claims tt i do not haf acne probs.. i am getting worried.. i can't haf scars on my body.. it's my best asset.. (after a photo shoot at alvin's place, i haf decided tt my teeth's too big.. so i am no longer yaya abt it.. haha!) so i better do somethin abt it.. erm.. some method tt's costless.. think think think think.... or rather, focus, focus, focus, focus... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/19/2004 10:56:00 PM.
Monday, August 16, 2004 it's coming back.... it's resurfacing....
the way it's creeping back into my life, it's scary.. i can't take it no longer.. i am suffering... i feel like dying... well, basically i am trying to say tt the spell o falling asleep (NO MATTER HOW CLOSE THE TEACHER IS TO ME) has returned for this semester.... juz for record keepin sake, i dozed off 2000 times today... in a span o 4 hours.. no matter how hard i willed myself NOT to, the next moment, b4 i knew it, i wld be waking up to the gentle tappings o the poor mate sitting beside me.... my teacher hates me now.. my frens think i am a sleepy worm.. even I am slightly disgusted w myself.. haha... this is not gonna be an easy semester.. projs coming up like tidal waves, knocking me off from my usual calm but not composed self... so why am i still so disgustingly nua!!?? it's time baohuan... no! not to sleep.. but to start doin somethin abt the sleeping bug in me... mayb i can start bringing tape to keep/stick my eyes opened.. mayb i can bring an electrical vibrator to jerk myself awake.. mayb i can bring a pin to poke myself.. mayb i can sit on my hair brush.. mayb... mayb i shld start doin my tut for my lesson later! haha.. i am so "funny"................................................................................... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/16/2004 01:40:00 PM.
Saturday, August 14, 2004 indeed, watching the play lifted my mood... yes it did..
w the funny plots (i laughed out loud! at some..) and amazingly convincing actors and actresses, i hafta gif it a thumbs up! n it suddenly made me realise tt i haven stepped onto a stage for a long long time.. hmm.. i haven acted in front of an audience for a long long time.. i haven felt the exhilaration o acting for (yes) a long long time.. sigh.. n.. this production has inspired me to cut my fringe too!! haha.. abit off, but ya!! there's dis actress who's like mine n shuhui's fave.. n she got nice fringe.. tempted... badly tempted..... shall i do it?!!?!??!?!??!!!!!!!!! be prepared frens!! if i do, it's prob gonna mean more tears n spams o self-pitying.. why cant i be as daring as xiaoting?!?!! alamak! think, baohuan.. think!! but first, let me crap my marketing tut debate... yawnz!!! ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/14/2004 02:16:00 AM.
Friday, August 13, 2004 haven met up w some old frens in a long long while..
hope the performance tmr will be a good time to catch up.. i hate to miss out on their lives.. but wat if everyone's too busy for me?? or am i the guilty one? wondering.. ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/13/2004 12:13:00 AM.
Thursday, August 12, 2004 r pple in nus very very very very busy?!?!
sigh..... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/12/2004 05:18:00 PM.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004 i guess i am rather weird.. i dun like it when someone pays me too much attention...
i dun like it when someone is attempting to change the focus o my life... it's no wonder.. baohuan is a creature o habit.. how do i get it across? wat if it gets to the peak o my tolerance level? why am i so selfish? oh man... this sucks.... i dunno wat to think anymore.. except... perhaps i shld stop eating junk so tt i will recover soon?!?! haha.. ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/11/2004 11:47:00 AM.
Sunday, August 08, 2004 mayb i shldn't haf eaten the yogurt since i haf stomach flu...
i'm sick o feeling nauseus.. i keep feeling like i wanna puke, 24-7... that's so sick.. i wanna recover.. i wanna eat like before.. i neva wanna be anorexic... i cannot live wout food.. i cannot exist wout chocolates in my mouth... well, i guess this shows another thing.. i cannot stop niaming.. sigh.. but still.. it's so sick being sick! yucks! ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/08/2004 06:51:00 PM.
Friday, August 06, 2004 for concerned parties, urs truly here is under the cruel manipulation o malicious red rashes n a stomach tt is not behaving as it shld...
n as u all noe, i am the world's biggest exaggerator.. so dun worry.. i am fine.. haha.. juz niaming.. the horrors o chicken pox is coming back to me.. oh no...... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/06/2004 12:52:00 AM.
Thursday, August 05, 2004 wat's the point o forgiving if u can't forget? i think tt's a good one....
hmmmm...... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/05/2004 05:23:00 PM.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004 i keep feeling misunderstood recently..
n i am not juz referring to the case o being misunderstood as a lesbian.. haha.. dunno wat's wrong w me.. dunno wat's wrong w pple... haf the sudden realization tt i am really not a good sister... n i hate myself for it... ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/04/2004 02:00:00 PM.
Monday, August 02, 2004 i am shocked....
a fren actually, sincerely, honestly thot i was a lesbian.. a guy fren to be exact.. haha.. i am not upset.. juz quite shocked.. wat image am i projecting as i hold the hands o my female frens?!? wat do i tell pple as i lovingly call my female frens Prince, Lao Gong, or Lao Po?!?! haha! wat a shocking world! ~bao~ caught a falling star on 8/02/2004 04:56:00 PM.
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